The adventures of the Meat Eater and Lettuce Lady
by kmc44
Summary: PELVIC THRUST! MC Hammer! Digital Underground! Moon walk! Dawn likes garbage, Mary Anne likes meat. How Dibbly Fresh.
1. Default Chapter

Dawn Schaffer walked outside, down the street and stood in the middle of the Stoneybrooke dump.

"What a lovely stench" Thought Dawn. "I could live here"

Dawn was launching another "Don't litter" crusade and was making a statement by sitting in the dump. She was decked out in her "I'm Awesome" necklace and a T shirt proclaiming "Just say no to dead cow".

Just as she was getting comfy in an old bathtub, she heard a shriek from down the street.

It sounded suspiciously like Mary Anne.

"Oh," thought Dawn "She must have discovered that I threw out all her bloody, he-man steaks imported straight from the butcher"

"Oh well" Thought Dawn. "Think of all the animals I'm saving. I love animals!"

Dawn leaned back in her bathtub, and was munching on some all natural carrots when suddenly she heard angry storming up the side of her mountain of garbage.

"How nice!" Thought Dawn "Visitors! I'd better tidy up my garbage!"

Just as Dawn was putting her all natural lettuce into a super bio degradable bag, she heard an angry voice screech "Dawn Shaffer! Where did you hide my drippy, bloody steaks?" Ranted her step-sister, Mary Anne.

"Oh those? I threw them out. The amounts of blood were disgusting! Are you aware you aware that you killed ANIMALS?" Screeched Dawn "Have some respect!"

With that, dawn spun on her heel and did a valley girl head toss. "If you're going to be like that, Mary Anne, get off my side of the garbage! Or maybe, I should call you Mary Anne the Meat Eating, Animal Slaughtering COW!"

Mary Anne Gasped "Are you calling me a COW?" Screeched Mary Anne Meat Eater

"YES!" Screamed Dawn "Get off my mountain before it collapses from all the meat you have inhaled over the past 13 years!"

Mary Anne was almost in tears now "You used to be so dibbly cool Dawn!" She sobbed "But now you're just a stale, tree hugging freak!" Screamed Mary Anne Meat Eater.

With that, Mary Anne Meat Eater stormed off the mountain, down the street, straight into the butchers and promptly bought 3 dozen of their bloodiest steaks, planning to leave them on Dawns pillow.

"That'll show her! Muahahahaha!" Laughed Mary Anne Meat Eater.

"That'll show who?" Asked Sharon, her step mother.

"Oh no one" Giggled Mary Anne Meat-Eater nervously.

"Oh" Said Sharon "Do you happen to know where I left my 5 pounds of bacon? I seem to have lost it" With that, Sharon wandered aimlessly away.

As Sharon walked away, Mary Anne Meat Eater carefully arranged her assortment of bloody steak on Dawns favorite pillow, which said "I'm an Earth Girl!"

Who cared that all the meat had cost her 3 months of baby sitting? It would be worth it! Now she just had to wait until Dawn came home. That was, if she didn't get lost in a garbage avalanche.


	2. U can't touch this

-If you don't like it, or if it offends you, don't read it. Oh, and those who are going nag about spelling, read my profile.

"Lalalala can't touch this" Sang Dawn as she gathered her belongings and began to climb down the mountain of garbage.

"I feel so refreshed" Thought Dawn to herself "I have done my good deed for the day"

As she walked into her house, she noticed Mary Anne Meat Eater sitting on the couch, listening to MC Hammer.

"AHH!" Screeched Dawn "You can't listen to this! It's MY music!" "You meat eating pig!" Yelled Dawn as she stormed up the stairs.

"Love you too, Dawn!" Called Mary Anne Meat Eater cheerily. Oh was she in for a surprise.

Mary Anne Meat Eater was just getting into the dance Hammer dance moves when she heard a screech from upstairs.

Pretending to be the good sister she was, Mary Anne Meat Eater ran up the stairs 2 at a time, and opened Dawns door.

"Whatever is the matter?" She questioned Dawn.

Dawn looked like she was going to vomit. "THE BUTCHER WAS IN MY ROOM!" She screamed uncontrollably.

"There is meat and blood all over!" "I can't go on!" Sobbed Dawn.

Mary Anne Meat Eater took one look at Dawns pristine white room, which was now tinted a delicious shade of red, and burst out laughing.

Dawns face twisted in rage. "You" She hissed.

She ran towards Mary Anne Meat Eater, but Mary Anne was to slick.

"In the words of MC Hammer, U can't touch this" Exclaimed Mary Anne as she moon walked out of Dawns room.

Mary Anne Meat Eater glanced at her watch and realized she would have to motor if she wanted to make it to the club meeting on time.

Mary Anne raced out the front door and began to leap; jump, twist and moon walk her way to Claudia's house

She burst into Claudia's room with an amazing leap that amazed even Jessi, who was now known as Masta J.

"Word to my sistas from otha mistas" Shouted Mary Anne Meat Eater.

"Mary Anne" Said Kristy in her annoying voice. "Where is Dawn" "It's almost 5:30"

"Oh, her" Said Mary Anne. "I don't know. I think the garbage swallowed her"

"WHAT?" Shrieked Kristy "I can't go on!" With that, she took a flying leap out Claudia's window.

"Kristy!" They all cried.

They ran to the window just in time to see Kristy jump up and do a Michael Jackson pelvic thrust, followed by "I'm about to ruin the image and the style you used to, I look funny yo I'm making money" Sang Kristy as she Pelvic thrusted away.

"WOW" Said Masta J. "If jumping out a window makes her dance like that, I gotta try it!"

With that, she sashayed out the window.


	3. Chapter 3

"AHHH!" Shrieked Mal as Masta J flew through the window.

"Oh well. Not much lost there" Exclaimed Stacey with boredom lacing her voice.

"HOW COULD YOU!" Sobbed Mal and she ran towards Stacey. Instead of pushing Stacey out the window like she planned, instead she tripped over one of Claudia's hideous self-decorated shoes, and went flying out the window.

"Finally. She was getting ultra annoying" Said Stacey snottily.

With that, Dawn came dashing into the room, screaming "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, MARY ANNE MEAT EATER"

"Well, that's my cue to blow this joint" Said Mary Anne Meat Eater as she sprinted past Dawn, down the stairs and out the door.

Later that evening, Richard and Mrs. Shaffer arrived home after admitting Dawn to the Psychiatric Hospital.

Mary Anne Meat Eater came hopping down the stairs.

"Oh where oh where has Lettuce Lady gotten to?" She questioned innocently.

"Mary Anne" Began Richard "Dawn is in a better place now. And from this moment on, I want you to forget she ever existed. We are cutting her from the family tree" With that, Richard whipped out a large drawing of a family tree and proceeded to cut away every memory of Dawn ever existing.

"Yes" Said Sharon. "I'm just going to pop upstairs and board her door shut. Nothing big"

Ok. Long Time since I updated that. Don't expect another anytime soon. This one was pretty horrible.


End file.
